The Best Friends I Never Had
by CrazyWriter
Summary: Mallory misses her friends at Riverbend and reflects back on the path that led them apart... please read and review!
1. Chapter 1

_Helooooooooo, a new chapter story, here is the first chapter._

_This story is about Mal and it picks up rite b4 she leaves 4 Riverbend. Insted of messin' with Ann M.'s version, we r making r own, so this is totes diff than what happens at Riverbend in the books, Alternative Universe OK?_

_Please read and reveeeeeeeeeeeeew!_

_**Chapter One**_

Someone with so many friends and from such a huge family should never be lonely. Doesn't that make sense? It seems like it should be that way. But it isn't. I'm lonely now. Riverbend isn't that far from Stoney Brook and the Berkshires are so pretty I'm surprised everyone doesn't visit every day. My family comes a lot but it's not them I'm lonely for. I miss my friends. They used to visit, but then they stopped. Well, most of them visited... I wish I hadn't left on such bad terms with Kristy, Claudia, and Abby.

Have they turned everyone against me?

Where are my friends?

We've been so close over the years. We've shared good times and bad times, love and laughter. They tried their best to convince me that I wasn't blonde! And we've still been friends through it all. Yet...It seems like it's all over.

I'm here at Riverbend, trying to get through the pain of this loss. It is nice here. People accept me and the creativity of everyone astounds me! I write in my diary every day but I also am trying my hand at pottery. Yesterday I sculpted an ashtray for every member of the BSC. I know it's not chilly to smoke, but I'm no Claudia!

Oh, girls. I would send the ashtrays in the mail, but I keep forgetting to ask Mom and Dad for stamps. Plus I forgot to write down some addresses and it wouldn't be fair to give gifts to some and not all. I know how it feels to be left out and I'd never want to hurt anyone.

I'd never want to hurt anyone.

Dr. Jill tells me I need to take ownership for the ways I've been irresponsible and hurtful to others, and believe me, if I knew I would.

But I don't know. I'm just a girl who wants to be liked and babysit, and wear cool clothes my parents won't let me, and at the end of the day, go to Pizza Express with the BSC and give it all a pizza toast.

I can no more imagine what I've done wrong than I can imagine why I can't pierce my ears.

I've practically raised my brothers and sisters. What more do my parents want from me? I'm sure they'd like it if they had a popular daughter, I mean, I've looked at my parents' yearbooks. They were very much the king and queen of the school. At least, until Mom got pregnant with me senior year. I guess that's a way that I hurt Mom. I can take ownership for her becoming the manager of a Victoria's Secret rather than a linguistic anthropologist like she wanted.

Dr. Jill tries to tell me it's okay I wasn't popular, that I'm real, a real adolescent with problems and awkwardness and its okay. If I can accept that, I'm more real than any of my friends. Sometimes I get mad at Dr. Jill. She seems to pit me against my friends. Sometimes she even tells me they're not my friends. Does she think they were a bad influence on me? No. They were the only ones who made me feel accepted.

I've made new friends here. We've all had problems at school. Some of them got into fights, others withdrew, until everyone agreed Riverbend was the best solution.

Maybe that's why my friends stay away. They think my new friends are strange, the way the kids at SMS thought I was strange. Or maybe they're jealous. Or maybe they don't want me to miss them. But I do.

I will always miss them. You see, I think the girls and I are so close that they are a part of me, even when I'm away. If only they could see that. I'm not a whole person without them and without the Kid Kits and the club notebook. How will I know who is doing what without it? I try to keep it updated so that when I go home for breaks everyone will know what I've been doing. It's another way to stay close!

Jen, my new roommate, rolls my eyes sometimes when she sees me writing in it. But then, I've heard Jen talk. I don't think she have very many friends back home. She's always been very nice to me, but I can see how some people might be afraid of her. After all, the multiple piercings and the random screaming is a little bit off-putting.

My best friend here, Jospehina (isn't that a gorgeous name) or Jo-Jo, had a good group of friends back home just like me. She said they were really close and did everything together, like a family, and if someone did them wrong, the others would take care of it. When I told her about my fight with Kristy, and how Claudia and Abby were obviously on her side, she understood how hurtful it was. That's not how a hang of friends should act. Jo-Jo said she and her friends were a club too, but she hasn't told me what they did for business.

I just wish I could explain it. It was such an awful fight before I left. Emily Michelle sobbing, the broken glass on the floor, Watson so angry as I tried to explain it was Cokie Mason, that Kristy said I could stay over...

Even thought Kristy didn't stand up for me, I miss her. I miss her bossy ways, her chestnut hair under that ever-present baseball cap, her athletic prowess, her great ideas.

And I miss my best friend, Jessi, with her beautiful graceful form that dances through air like a pixie or swan or maybe some hybrid pixie-swan. A beautiful cocoa-skinned bird-creature.

I miss Dawn's long hair, the color of sunshine at the beach. I miss Mary Anne's warm heart and the way she cries at Hallmark commercials. I miss Stacey's New York sense of fashion. I miss Claud's beautiful almond shaped eyes. I miss Abby's weird sense of humor, even the puns!

I am sure they will come through for me. They always have. Like when I had mono. Or when gym class was so awful. Or when I needed time to myself to write and my siblings drove me crazy. When my dad lost his job. They were the only ones who believed me about the ghost cat. Every time my siblings and family were too much, it was like one of them just appeared, to help me through it.

They'll come back to me. They have to.

Friends forever.


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: Hey, guyz, new chapter!!!! For this story, we r havin' Mal tell her story as flash-backs and sum present time. Let us kno if its confusin!!! This one is a memry!_

_Plz revieeeeew!!!_

_Chapter Two_

A child's life is filled with injustices, slights from parents, teachers, siblings, and friends. That injustice is doubled when you are the eldest, especially in a large family. It seemed like something was always happening in the Pike household and if it went wrong, it was "where were you, Mal?" It didn't make sense to me, being so close in age to the triplets and Vanessa, but it was the way of my world.

Of course, these injustices often brought surprises, and even good ones. I remember the first day I met one of the girls who would become my best friends. Vanessa had gone through my diaries that morning and amused herself by reciting my secrets in rhymes.

_Mallory, oh Mallory, how she whines_

_On the pages of her diary, each line_

_She hates her life, she has no friends_

_She doesn't know if this will end_

_Why oh why did that stork_

_Bring the Pike family such a dork?_

What would any older sister have done? I read it, tracked Vanessa down and bloodied her nose. She screamed and cried and my mom blew her top. Which is why, when the rest of my family were at the St. Anne's 48th Annual Church Bazaar, doing the cakewalk and eating chicken salad sandwiches, I sat at home with the babysitter downstairs and Vanessa crying about how no one appreciated her art.

I decided that I was going to be grown up about things. I walked downstairs to greet the babysitter, some girl named Claudia Kishi. Apparently our old babysitter, her big sister, was too busy taking college classes.

I remember that when I entered the family room, my world changed. A gorgeous girl with almond shaped eyes and clear skin sat on the floor, as she sketched a fake flower arrangement. And her clothes! On that day, she wore a red pleather miniskirt with lots of zippers, orange lace leggings, and a lime green t-shirt with lots of holes so I could see the black tank top underneath. She had her hair in tons of little braids and one of her earrings was a fake mini cigar and the other was a fake mini lighter!

I also knew she was the "bad girl" in that family. My mom volunteered at the library where her mother worked, which is how we met Janine, her big sister. Janine would talk about her silly sister, who cared more about stupid mystery stories than mathematics. I heard my mother tell my dad that the Kishis were worried Claudia was on the wrong track. I was fascinated by her. The wrong track? Like heavy metal and piercings and smoking? She did have a cigar on her ear. My ears were barren, forbidden from even clip-on jewelry until middle school and even long until I could have real earrings.

As I flounced into the room, I noticed how shiny her jet black hair was and I wished I could straighten my red tangles. Our hair would gleam together, like a shampoo commercial! When I came in, she smiled. "You must be Mallory!"

When she said my name, I knew she would be my friend.

I smiled brightly and ran over to sit next to her on the floor. I stared at her for about five minutes before she asked me if I wanted her to draw me something.

Did I want her to draw me something? What a silly question! The only real dilemma was whether I wanted to ask for a unicorn or a horse.

I decided on a horse and Claudia drew me one that seemed so read that it could gallop off the page. I named it Misty, since I liked horse books. Even now, I have that sketch posted above my wall, especially since it reminded me of the conversation that came next.

"So are you excited for the summer?" Claudia smudged one of her lines carefully and looked at me.

"No, I'll just have to take care of the little kids and then in the school year I'll be back to elementary school and NO FRIENDS!" I burst into tears.

I don't know why I started crying. I wasn't used to people asking me questions. My parents loved me, sure, but there were 8 kids in our family! If I hadn't been followed immediately by triplets, I'm sure things would have been different, but face time was limited. I quickly tried to stop sniveling, but didn't quite succeed.

Claudia just smiled and pulled glittering markers out of her bag and gave Misty a beautiful magenta coat.

"I didn't have a lot of friends in elementary school," she admitted. "I wasn't very good at math and reading, so I spent a lot of time in the resource room catching up and so the other kids thought I was weird." I couldn't believe anyone thinking that this cool, artistic girl was weird.

"I spend a lot of time in the gifted reading program," I said, "It's the same thing. Kids think I'm weird. The only other kids in the reading program are Emma Gannon and Ben Ott, and Emma is being homeschooled next year and Ben teases me."

I will forever remember what happened next. Claudia looked me deep in the eye and said, "I'm your friend. Remember that."

And I have. And I will.

At that moment, I stopped caring about church bazaars and chicken salad and winning the bean bag toss, which was the worst part of not going, because I was champion every year. Claudia told me she liked babysitting, and so I should think of taking care of my brothers and sisters as that. A responsibility. A job. Not a chore.

Something that grown-ups do.

She also told me in middle school, people change classes each period and so you have lots of classmates, who don't know if you go to a different reading class than they do.

Vanessa ruined it and joined us, but I knew I was a grown-up and offered her crayons as we all sketched together. A babysitter, a babysitter in training, and a stupid younger sister.

Claudia smiled at our pictures. "What a nice dog, Vanessa!" she cooed. She cocked her head at mine, critiquing it with the skeptic eye of the artist. "Tell me about your picture, Mallory."

And, two mature women, we discussed the arts.


	3. Chapter 3

_Thx for the revews, guyz. Plz keep reading and repling. We like hearing from you!!!!!!! It makes writing worth it!!!!!!!_

**_Chapter Three_**

"Turn it DOWN, Nicky," I snapped angrily, from the sofa in the living room. I was trying to illustrate my latest story, The Rodentry of Haverford Castle, which was about an aristocratic family of mice who lived in a sprawling palace in England and even though royal people didn't run the human world anymore, mice still had royalty. It was one of my best works.

Nicky, one the other hand, was blasting cartoons as loudly as he could, having refused to even glance at my story. I couldn't be too mad. I hated him the least of all my siblings. The rest, and our parents, were off playing soccer at the park. How did I end up in a family of athletes? Even Vanessa liked to play sports sometimes.

"By Your Powers Combined, I am Captain Planet!" Sigh...I couldn't concentrate with this drivel on television. No one in my family was interested in the finer, more sophisticated, more grown-up things. My parents thought going to the Ponderosa was a great night out. I sighed. I bet Kristy Thomas and her family got to go to that fancy French place across town and then to the ballet when they went out. Not Chuck E. Cheese's.

I sat on the couch, my colored pencils and glittery pens forgotten as, to my dismay, I was sucked into Nicky's cartoon world. It must be so nice to be part of a team like that. I would be soon, I hoped. I was trying to join the Babysitters' Club and maybe this would be my first chance at being part of a team…

I was waiting for Jessi to come over, so we could study together because we had been warned there would be tests to join the BSC. It was also why I wanted to finish The Rodentry, so I could show them what a good storyteller I was, that I could make books for all the Kid Kits (especially with Claud's art!)  
I was so happy when the possibility of joining the Babysitters' Club came up... I wasn't as close to Kristy and Claudia as I wanted to be. When Stacy McGill moved away, I convinced Mary Anne and Dawn to suggest me as a replacement to Kristy. It worked! I just hoped Jessi was as good of a sitter as I was.

She said she was and she was great with all my kid brothers and sisters. In fact, I think the triplets might have their first crush on her! Oooh, I know what I should do. I should make us a super grown-up snack so that we can concentrate fully on being mature and not giggling at the pictures in my parents' first aid books.

What does constitute a sophisticated snack though? People always talk about cheese. We've got some American, we can eat that....On this Wonderbread. Oh, and some grape juice! There, that's pretty sophisticated. I'd bring out the wine, but I'm not entirely sure how to use the corkscrew. Anyways, my dad started counting all the liquor bottles when I got to middle school. I think he must've had a wilder childhood than me. Drinking is just not chilly.

Chilly is slang all the girls in the BSC use for cool. It doesn't roll off my tongue very well though, to be honest. I am hoping to show them how cool—I mean, chilly—I am by coming up with new slang that I can remember to say. I've started calling things frigid, which I think is sophisticated because it's a more obscure word. I busied myself cutting the crusts off the bread until I remembered that French bread is crusty, so instead I smooshed together the white part so it was smaller, making it look like it had more crust. Totally frigid!  
I hoped my family would go do something after the soccer game so we would have plenty of time alone. I was sure my parents would come to love Jessi, but when I asked my mother if Jessi could come over, her face scrunched up, the way moms do when they get concerned. I hope my mother isn't racist. She's probably just nervous because she hasn't met Jessi's parents yet, and sometimes she claims she's never even met Jessi. Having 8 kids makes you scatter-brained. Yes, that must be it. My mother could never be racist; she's the most frigid woman I know.

I heard a noise at the door and ran upstairs to let Jessi in, making sure I had the tray with the snack along.

"NICKY! Jessi and I are going to be in my room, be good!" I shouted down the stairs. His only response was kind of a muttering that sounded like "Crazy witch." Who knew that my little brother could be so mean!? I'm sure he's just sad that he won't have any company downstairs. I'm such a good babysitter that my charges don't like it when I leave, even my brother! I have to remember to tell Kristy that. She'll be so impressed.

Jessi and I ran up to my room, giggling and talking all the way. I'm so glad we met. Jessi is beautiful, with cocoa colored eyes and skin...But that doesn't matter to me! I'd like Jessi even if she were green! Jessi's also got long, long legs. This helps her, since she's a super talented ballet dancer! She's so sophisticated and you can tell she's a dancer by the way her feet turn out when she walks. Benny Ott called her a duck at school the other day, but I told her that it just made everyone know how special she is.

I hated Benny. Never giving up on his water fowl jokes, he also told me he hopes I turn into a swan, since it's the only way to make up for being so ugly. I pushed him down the stairs for that one and got sent home from school. Jessi tried to tell the principal he started it, but everyone claimed she wasn't there. Ugh, school.

Jessi and I dug into our cheese and wine. I had forgotten to take some of the slices out of their packages, but she is so gracious a guest she didn't even mention it. We meant to study, but we spent most of our time gossiping about the other girls.

"I wish I had Claudia's beautiful almond shaped eyes," Jessi told me. I was shocked.

"But you're so exotic!" I exclaimed. "Unlike me. Plain Jane. At best." I pulled my oversized Looney Tunes shirt over a stain in my stretch jeans self-consciously.

"Oh, who wouldn't want Dawn's long blonde hair and Claudia's eyes, and Mary Anne's petiteness, and Kristy's confidence?"

The BSC is just so wonderful. Teammates like in Captain Planet. Dawn would be Earth and Kristy would be Fire and Claudia would be Water. Don't forget Mary Anne! She would be Heart! And Jessi and I would be added in though. As junior members, I wonder what we would be...Maybe clouds or something. I guess wind is left! We could be a fresh breeze!

Back to studying..."What are the things you should always make sure you ask parents before they go?" Jessi asked me.

"Hmm. Well, for contact information for them and the doctor. Probably any allergies the kids have and just any other instructions," I finished triumphantly. I think for a second about the instructions my parents gave me before I left. We can't go anywhere and I'm not to do anything but write or watch TV. They gave Nicky tons more instructions than me, but that's because I'm in charge!

"I hope my first job is for the Johansson's," Jessi said. "Charlotte is so sweet that it'd be easy. You could really impress the girls. Not like if you got stuck with the Rodowskies."

"Jackie and Nicky are friends and last year they put dog poop in my bed," I said, wrinkling my nose. "Well, the triplets came up with it."

"I bet Charlotte's lonely, Stacey was her favorite."

"Probably," I agreed. I knew what it was like to be lonely, to have no one, except your beautiful words, the empty space gnawing that the genius of your mind. "I'm glad I have you, Jessi… I'll never be lonely again."

I nodded firmly. "Never. Again."


	4. Chapter 4

_**Sry for the wait, guyz! Here is a specal Halloweeeeeenie-themed chappie!!!!! Review plz, we luv feebacks!**_

_**THIS CHAPTER TAKES PLAC IN THE **__**PRESENT**_

_**Chapter Four**_

Halloween is my favorite holiday. When I was little, I waited all year for the one day I could be someone else, pretend I wasn't Mallory Pike, older sibling to rodents, ignored daughter of ungrateful parents. It was on Halloween that I could act out the fantasies I normally wrote, become that which my genius envisioned. The princess of the unicorns or the pink-coated high priestess of the wolves, whatever I imagined. This year, I had the best costume. I smiled at it, laid out on my bed. The Krushers hat, the Jersey, the mop head that I had dyed brown for a wig. This year I was going as Kristin Amanda Thomas, but not just any old Kristy. The best Kristy.

The Kristy who knew just how special and pretty she really was. I was going to wear a tight tee shirt and a little jean skirt too! When Kristy sees these pictures she's going to be so happy! I wish I could've invited her to the Halloween party here at Riverbend. But it was such a long drive and Kristy and the others are so busy. Mary Anne is so sensitive and so caring though. She started to cry when I said that I wasn't going to invite any of them up for Halloween, and said "But that means you'll be alone on a holiday! Without any members of the BSC...I can't let that happen!"

It is pretty exciting to have a friend visiting. I imagine that Mary Anne will dress up as a cat again. It's all she's been since she was nine, I think Kristy said once.

I tied the jersey up, over my midriff and glanced in the mirror. It wasn't quite Kristy but... oh right! I grabbed the mophead, which I had dyed brown using cola, and dropped it, unceremoniously on my head. It was still a little damp, but it looked fabulous.

Josephina, my best friend here at Riverbend, knocked on my door. She'd promised to do my make-up. She is a little older than I am and very nice to me. She says I'm just like a little sister (I imagine I feel as wonderful as Charlotte does when Stacy tells her this). Since my Puritan parents refused to let me do make-up, I'm all thumbs at it. Josephina says anyone who's going to run in her crew has to look fiiiiiiine.

"Hey, Josephina!" I chirped.

"Girl, I told you it's Jo-Jo!" She pronounces it Ho-Ho, just like they do in Mexico!

Riverbend girls are so friendly but I still miss the BSC so much. I don't know why Jo-Jo didn't say hi to Mary Anne, but I guess she is just reading in the corner of the room. Plus, she could be shy. It doesn't seem like, but I know that's why Mary Anne hasn't said anything. I sit still as I get lots of foundation, eye makeup and lipstick. My parents would never let me put this much eyeliner on! I look so gorgeous when I'm done. Wow, next time I dye my hair blonde I want Jo-Jo to do it. I bet I'd look super frigid.

Not all Riverbend girls are friendly. My first roommate got sent to another school because she was fighting all the time, especially with Jo-Jo. She even stole things from me and Jo-Jo and ruined the care package my family sent me. Good riddance!

Being as well-mannered as I am, I decided to introduce Mary Anne and Jo-Jo. "Jo-Jo, have you met Mary Anne?" I would have nodded towards the corner, but Jo-Jo was tweezing my eyebrow and I didn't want to ruin it. Jo-Jo shook her head.

"No," Jo-Jo said. She didn't look around because she was intent on finishing the job.

"Well, I'm sure you'll get to talk at the party. She's one of my best friends."

"Oh, Mal," Mary Anne said, blushing. "I'm sure Jo-Jo and I will talk at the party. But now, we have to finish your costume or we'll all be late."

I decide to tell Jo-Jo a little secret that Mary Anne already knows. "Jo-Jo...I'm not very good at parties. Usually I end up sitting and writing about ponies in the girl's bathroom."

Jo-Jo shakes her head and looks at me. "Mallory, you are one crazy kid, but that's okay."

I sigh. She just doesn't understand. Jo-Jo is so beautiful and so full of confidence. Plus, what if there are guys there! How will I act? Jo-Jo has an older boyfriend (23!) so I already know that she won't understand.

"We all get a little crazy in here," Jo-Jo continues, "But you were fucking nuts when you came in, weren't you, girl?" She laughs. "That's what I like about you. If you were in my crew back home, you'd be the quiet one that sometimes does crazy motherfucking shit when no one expects it. Like my friend Gina, we were just walking one day and she put a brick through a window. Didn't rob it or nothing, just threw a brick and kept going."

Mary Anne looks at Jo-Jo disapprovingly, but I don't think Jo-Jo saw. Mary Anne is very straight-laced. Her father was very strict because Mary Anne's mother died when she was a baby. Even now, she's barely out of jumpers and pigtails, so I guess some harmless vandalism still seems really out of it for her. When you grow up in a big family like I did, you understand that things get destroyed.

"Things break, it happens," I say casually to Jo-Jo. She nods and we all begin our walk downstairs to the party.

When I get to the doorway where the party is, I take a deep breath, pull a Coke soaked mop strand out of my eye and wish Jessi could be here. She could've driven up with Mary Anne's father and Mary Anne. Sadly, she's performing as a dancing Zombie Queen in her ballet school's Halloween recital. It's the biggest part and she got it because she's the best dancer, even though she's only 11 and there are some 16 year olds in her class!

But I can be strong. I am a new Mallory Bernice Pike here. I don't have the silly siblings weighting me down. And by goodness, I am going to par-tay tonight. I will eat some of those potato chips AND the tortilla chips! I will be nice and talk to everyone, as I can see that they're totally checking out my great costume. Jo-Jo dressed up too. She's a cat like Mary Anne but her costume isn't fuzzy. It's skin tight, but it's not low cut at all. That would be against the rules.

Despite my best efforts, the party was NOT going as planned. There weren't many boys there. We were the sister school to a boys boarding school nearby and a military academy but most of their student had demerits or another reason for not being allowed to come. As it was, the boy girl ratio was probably 1:4 and despite my hot costume, the boys had all found other people to dance with. Mary Anne and I sulked by the punchbowl. Well, I sulked and Mary Anne went on about Logan and what a good dancer he was and how she wished he was here.

I looked around for Jo-Jo and saw her talking with some of the guys in the corner. I saw her just slip a tall guy with red dreadlocks, some money. Which is really weird since we're not supposed to have any cash here. But it looks like she's getting a plastic baggie of something. Oh, my. This reminds me of fifth grade drug education. Jo-Jo is buying drugs! Mary Anne and I stare at each other, aghast. We've never known anyone who did drugs before! I mean, Claudia is addicted to fashion and junk food but that's about it!

It must be a misunderstanding. Jo-Jo is my friend and I shouldn't jump to conclusions like this. It could be any number of things. What else comes in a bag? Maybe she's buying candy! We're allowed to have that year, but since spending money has been bad ever since some girls abused it at the start of term, it's hard to come by. That must be it.

Mary Anne was unconvinced but too nice to say anything really bad about my boarding school best friend (BSBF, as opposed to Jessi, my Stoney Brook Best Friend SBBF). Jo-Jo and her friend with dreadlocks came over for some punch. "There are you, Mallory!" she said, "Jeremy and I are starting a cooler party downstairs, come on."

"A cooler party?" I had suspected for some time that popular kids did such things.

"Yeah, a sub-party, less rules, more fun." She motioned for me to follow her and Jeremy.  
"Can Mary Anne come?"

"If she hurries up, come on, Mal, before a teacher sees!" Jo-Jo hissed. I trotted behind her quickly and we disapeard through a back door, down to the basement.

When we get to the basement I'm disappointed. The decorations aren't any better down here, in fact, there are no decorations. I always figured that the cool kids would be awesome interior decorators. If I was throwing a sub-party, I'd hang some streamers and maybe some balloons. Even a Happy Halloween banner and a skeleton in the corner. By the time I get out of my HGTV fueled daydream I notice that Jo-Jo is starting to smoke something.

Mary Anne shifted nervously next to me, while Jo-Jo passed around what looked like a skinny cigarette without a filter. "Calm down, Mary Anne," I whispered. "Boarding school is like this all the time, rebellious, no parents!"

"I don't like this, Mallory," she hissed back. "And neither should you! We're mature and responsible! People trust us with their kids, not to skulk off to a basement and do... DRUGS!"

"Whatever, Mary Ann, I'm sure Jo-Jo wouldn't do it if it wasn't safe," I said, trying to sound casual. Jo-Jo came over with the skinny cigarette.

"Guess your friend isn't into the party," she said, glancing around. "You in?"


	5. Chapter 5

_**Hey gyz, sorry for the delay. This chapter is a flashback to Sea City Her We Come but it is not canon, repete NOT CANON, that's why it's fiction, lolz. Please review!**_

_**Chapter Five**_

My heart convulsed with angst as I gazed at the window. Giant, angry rain drops beat at glass as clear as my own guilty conscience. There was a hurricane coming for Sea City. There was a hurricane coming and my friend was out in the cold... and it was my fault. If Stacey perished, shivering to death's door on a deserted beach, I would be a murderer.

I shut my eyes and tried to block out the incessant chatter of my younger siblings. Why were they acting like Stacey didn't matter? Why was Claire garbling happily about Margo silly billy goo goo when our friend was missing? And my mother, solemnly putting tape on windows, as if her mother's helper was just doing the same in another room. And where was my father? Well, at least he had gone to look for Stacey. That seemed the only logical explanation for his absence.

I guess that growing up is a stressful experience for everyone, but even more for me. The entire BSC came up for Sea City this year and I am so lucky that Jessi got to be the mother's helper with me. Not to mention that Stacey is right next door! Everyone else is here too, but I'm most concerned with Stacey at this moment.

You see, I'm a bad friend. It all started one day when I was sitting on the beach watching the younger parasites. Stacey was supposed to be helping me but all she seemed interested in was her tan. However, there soon came a boy across the beach. He was so beautiful! I felt guilty for even thinking about another boy when Ben and I have held hands twice! But I couldn't help it. And then I recognized him...It was Toby.

It was Stacey's Toby-Bear. The boy that had pursued Stacey once was now after me. Me? I never thought anyone could prefer me to slender, fashionable Stacey. She was so metropolitan and had modeling experience! And I was Mal. Glasses and baby-clothes. However, that day I had managed to sneak some sparkling lip gloss- well, I had actually just used regular chapstick and put sand all over my lips. It sparkled in the sunlight!

But I knew I had a secret oath of womanhood to uphold. Stacey and I were like sisters! And what would the other babysitters- my other sisters- think of the betrayal? I couldn't... unless Stacey said it was okay.

I daydreamed for a few minutes of Toby's chocolate brown eyes and tan skin. He also has moussed hair that looks a lot like that hot guy who plays a vampire in those movies. If my parents would let me go see PG13 movies, Jessi and I would totally go to those. We even read the books, even though they don't have horses! Although, they still do have sparkles!

But I really do need to talk to Stacey. I hope she's okay. She's been really grumpy this vacation. I think it's because Mrs. Barrett is so scatter brained, although I heard her mumbling something about "that Mallory girl." Which is me. Oh, no! Maybe she caught the heavy gaze in which both our hearts touched between Toby and me.

Toby had already taught me your heart could move to your gaze. I never felt that way about Ben... but I felt more solidly about him. Perhaps Toby could be my passion and Ben my reality...

Earlier that day, I found Stacey and asked her how she felt about Toby. "Do you even think back to those days?" I asked her whimsically. If she spoke fondly, I wouldn't even ask her permission.

"What?" She glared and kept looking around, probably for another one of our friends. She didn't want to have this conversation.

"When you dated Toby?"

"Toby? That creepy townie from the boardwalk?"

"It's hard to talk kindly of those who have torn our hearts asunder," I said wisely.

"Is that creep saying we dated? Please!"

"Is it okay if he and I go on a date? I'd like your blessing first."

Stacey just sighed and walked away. It looked as if she was heading to a blond lifeguard who looked about 17. Oh, yes! He was Scott, the one she had such a huge crush on the first year she came with us. Where is her hand going?

Clearly, this is hurting her, especially if she's doing stuff like that in sight of her sitting charges. She's probably trying to make Toby very jealous. But she should not be able to stand in the way of our true love. I must follow my heart.

Besides, if Stacey wouldn't even talk to me respectfully, what did I owe her? I had these thoughts in anger and now that she was missing, I regretted it. I knew she was out there because of what I did. The rain beat harder, more insistently, mirroring my heart-rate. My breath quickened and as if not myself, I threw my coat on. "I'm going after her," I said decisively. "The storm is so terrible."

"Honey, are you still worried about your little friend?" Mom said kindly, looking up from her work. "Honey, I'm just marking these windows so the contractor knows which ones to replace when he comes in this week, there's no hurricane."

We shared a brave smile. My mother always lied to comfort my younger siblings. "I'll be back soon," I said.

I pulled on Adam's Transformer raincoat and my own pink galoshes. I needed to be prepared for anything that the night threw at me. I also threw a few snacks and some bottled water in my unicorn purse and grabbed some money out of Margo's piggy bank. She'd understand when I explained it.

I pushed open the door and went out into the gale of the night. The rain beat down on me, just as the thought of me dating Toby beat down on Stacey's heart. Friends forever we said, but would we really let a boy separate us? I must find Stacey to let her know that I wasn't going to date Toby.

I walked down the boardwalk, getting jealous looks from everyone who was envious of my being prepared. But I couldn't find Stacey. I decided to head back to the beach and maybe try down by the lifeguard station.

Of course, Toby and I had gone out and I could never take that back. Was it a date? He worked at a new frozen yogurt stand on the boardwalk "Fro-Yo Hello" and he told me to come by during work. I leaned on the stand watching him work for hours as he gave me nervous smile after nervous smile. He even gave me free fro-yo, well, he tried, but the his manager came in. Sigh.

But I will give all that up for Stacey. And as she too loved Toby once, she will know what a sacrifice that is.

I heard the sound of muffled cries coming from around a bend. I had gotten lost looking for the tower, lost in my reverie and worry. This part of the beach was pretty abandoned, hidden my rocks. Was that a child sobbing? Stacey hurt? A beautiful mer-unicorn washed ashore by the tempest of the sea?

But I could not believe my eyes. It was Stacey offering up her most precious gift to Scott the lifeguard. Was it my fault? Did I push her too far! How could she do this to herself? Didn't she know about just saying no, not just to drugs but to premarital sex?

I ran up to them and cried out from my very soul "I'm so sorry Stacey! I'm so sorry that I took Toby from you. Please stop this!"

I swear thunder struck behind me as I threw myself down on the ground in front of them. "Stacey, you can never take this back! You can never have this special time again."

"What the fuck?" Scott jolted off Stacey. Thankfully they weren't disrobed yet but I had read about heavy petting in one of the books in my parents' room. I knew where it lead (hell).

"Oh my god, this is not happening. Oh my god, this is not happening," Stacey kept repeating, over and over, covering her face with her hands. Clearly she was realizing how awful this could have gone.

"Oh, Stacey, thank God I found you! There's a hurricane coming!" Rain fell down all around us. "We need to get inside. I may have saved your soul but I haven't saved your life yet!"

Stacey grabbed my arm, told Scott to wait fifteen minutes (ha, she's trying to make him wait but she's not going to go back! Oh, the pranks we BSCers play!) and dragged me at a fast clip to the beach house.

"Oh, Stacey, I'm so glad you're coming back with me. I know that me dating Toby was so hard for you. But you didn't need to taste the apple! It'll be waiting for you after marriage!"

Stacey just hissed through her teeth and walked faster until she was banging on the door. My mom answered. She looked surprised to see me and Stacey together but her saying anything was stopped by Stacey's torrent of words.

"Look, I've put up with your little freak trying to ruin my vacation enough. Let me tell you, you better get her some help. I'm not her friend. I don't know anyone named Mary Anne, Dawn or especially a beautiful air fairy named Jessi Ramsey. And one last thing before I go back to my date, which she so rudely interrupted. There is no Baby Sitter's Club. And I wouldn't be in it even if there was. I hate kids!"

"STACEY, STOP THE LIES!" I shrieked. "YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SAYING!"

I felt myself crumbled, like buildings would to Hurricane Bill. My mother and Stacey were talking in hushed tones, my mother apologizing over and over. Why was she saying sorry to Stacey? Didn't she just see her betray her daughter?

I couldn't stay in that house of lies. I ran out to the beach again, crashing through the tides as I ran away. Finally I curled up in the damp sand and wept, each raindrop a tear and each tear a raindrop.


	6. Chapter 6

_Hey every1, it has been a tim! Hope u enjoy!_

_**Chapter Six**_

I should have listened to Mary Anne.

If I had, I wouldn't be in this position, stormed out of the cool kids party, and now stuck in the office, getting yelled at by a very disappointed Willow. Willow is the art teacher at Riverbend. At another school, I would have to call her Ms. Mattheis, but at Riverbend, all our teachers go by their first names. Willow is one of the coolest teachers here. She's new, so we all want to know everything about her, and she's tall and slender- like a willow. She has a fiancé named Evan and is just so totally dibbles. She clearly thought I was the opposite of dibbles now.

I look nervously around the room, hoping to see Mary Anne there. She's so responsible and polite-teachers and other grown ups just love her. If there's anyone who can make Willow understand why I'd just try to fit in, it would be Mary Anne.

"Can Mary Anne come in here with me?" I ask. "She'll help me feel more comfortable."

"Who?" Willow snaps impatiently. I interrupted her in what I knew she thought was a very important part of her scolding.

"N-n-no one," I stutter nervously. She must not have seen Mary Anne downstairs and I didn't want to get her in trouble. What if Willow said she could never visit me again? "I was just saying things..."

But Willow was too smart. "Mallory, did you sneak a visitor in after hours?"

"No!" I protest vigorously. "Dr. Jill approved the visit." Dr. Jill is the school counselor at Riverbend and in charge of privileges. She works closely with Jane, who's like our headmistress.

"You know you're not permitted overnight guests," Willow says sternly.

I begin to stammer and shake, trying my best to explain. Mary Anne's dad is a powerful lawyer...He was able to find a way around the no overnight guests rule. But Willow is ignoring my increasingly frantic words.

Reaching for her phone, she dials. "Dr. Jill? Willow here. Did you approve an overnight visitor for Mallory Pike?"

I can see when Dr. Jill explains about the lawyer...Willow's face smooths out and all I can see in her eyes is worry. Good. She must be worried that Mr. Spier will sue.

Before I know it, Willow is solemnly walking me down the hall to Dr. Jill's office. I wish my father was as good of a lawyer as Mary Anne's. Then just his name could get me whatever I wanted! But my dad isn't the best lawyer... that's why he got fired a few years ago and our family almost crumbled into poverty. But I love him anyway.

"Have a seat, Mal," Dr. Jill says as Willow brings me in. I take a seat in one of the funky chairs she has in her office. They're green with wild swirls of purple. Claud would love them. Dr. Jill sits in the one across from it. That's how she prefers to talk: like girlfriends gabbing, not an adult lecturing. She's so frigid I can hardly stand it.

"Mallory, Willow tells me you had some drugs at the party." I was holding the joint when Willow crashed the cool kids' sub-party. "Where did you get them?"

I know I can't rat out Jo-Jo. She's been such a great roommate to me. My first roommate, Alexis, was terrible. She read my journal, stole my clothes, and destroyed my care package. Jo-Jo says she's a, uh, well, I can't say it but it rhymes with runt and Kristy called Cokie Mason one once. Besides, Jo-Jo told me that friends protect each other. I'll protect Jo-Jo.

"Mary Anne brought them," I reply confidently, jutting my chin out. Mary Anne's dad will be able to protect her.

Dr. Jill looks deeply into my eyes. I wonder if she can tell that I'm lying? They say that the eyes are the window to the soul...It's true, just look at the BSC. Kristy's eyes are brown and piercing, Mary Anne's are gentle, Stacy has the eyes of a fashion diva. But no one can live up to Claud's beautiful, almond shaped eyes. You can almost see the junk food and art warring for space in them!

"Mallory, we're going to talk more about the drugs in a couple of days. But now, I'd like to talk to you about your friends from Stoneybrook. I think you call them the BSC?" Dr. Jill has grabbed a small notebook-That definitely makes me important!

I don't know where to begin! The BSC is so important in my life...I just don't know where I'd be without it.

"Well, it all started when Kristy Thomas had a great idea on the last day of sixth grade..." I tell the whole story. I even tell about all the hijinks we got up to and our mortal enemy, Cokie.

Dr. Jill writes furiously as I tell her about my friends and our amazing club and our wonderful bond. When I tell her about Jessi and her hot chocolate skin and long dancer legs, she underlines things several times- I know she's impressed at my descriptive abilities.

After a while, I wonder why Dr. Jill is asking me about this. We've talked about the BSC before. When I first came to Riverbend, they asked me if I was part of a group and I told them about my friends. They had weird questions too, like if we had a favorite color we all wore and any rival gangs. I laughed so hard when I told them about Kids, Incorporated, Jessi and I's rival club we founded! Oh, that was so long ago.

Finally, Dr. Jill interrupts my reminiscing. "That's all very interesting, Mal," she says gently. "And you said Mary Anne was here tonight?"

"Yes," I admit, blushing. "I thought it was okay since her dad drove her up and all but I guess it wasn't..."

"Mallory, I want you to stop and think very hard about this." Dr. Jill sounds so patient. She's set her notebook down. "Was Mary Anne at Riverbend tonight?"

I realize that Dr. Jill is trying to give me an out, that she understands how wonderful my friends are, and doesn't want me to get in trouble for needing that connection, our beautiful solidarity, the bonds of our eternal child-rearing sisterhood (it doesn't take a village, it takes a club!). But for her to ask me to lie shows me she's never had a friendship- a love, really- which cannot be denied.

I sit up very straight in my chair. "Dr. Jill. Mary Anne was here tonight, yes."

Dr. Jill sighs and looks away. She almost looks as if she's psyching herself up for something.

"Mallory, we weren't going to look at this for a while yet, but I think it might be time." While she's talking she gets up and digs through a file cabinet. Finally she comes up with something that is surprisingly familiar-a copy of the good old SMS yearbook (Go Tigers!).

"Mallory, I want you to do me a favor. Can you find your picture in this book?"

I shrug and nod...I don't know why I'm doing this but at least she's stopped worrying about Mary Anne. I find my picture in the P's. Gee, I looked frigid that day! I was wearing a totally dibbles t-shirt that Claud loaned me and I had used Magic Markers in the art room to be make up. My parents never look at our school pictures anyway.

Dr. Jill nods, "Good, good. Now what about Claudia, Kristy and Stacy?"

I point them out, almost laughing at how easy this is.

Dr. Jill smiles that patient, gentle smile that makes her such a good grown-up. "They look like very nice girls. I can see why you'd want to be friends with them."

I smile back. I miss my friends. Sometimes I wonder if boarding school was a mistake but really, in the end, did I have a choice?

"Can you show me your other friends? Maybe Mary Anne?"

I flipped to eighth-grade section, to the S's and search. Mary Anne's face, with the stylish bob that drove Dawn and Logan wild (for different reasons, of course!) isn't jumping off the page at me. I must be in the wrong section. I flip to all the S's. No Mary Anne.

Dr Jill sees my confusion. "Is there a problem, Mallory?"

"No, no." I look down at my hands...Why can't I remember why Mary Anne wasn't in school that day?

Dr. Jill asks me to find Abby, Dawn and Jessi as well. Why weren't any of them in the yearbook?

Finally, I remember! I almost laugh with relief. Sighing, I sit back in my comfy chair, ready to explain it all to Dr. Jill.

"Well, Dr. Jill, it's kind of a funny story. See, the day before picture day was a Sunday and we had raided the treasury for a pizza party (oh, how Stacey whined and complained...All in good fun, of course). But then there was...The Contaminated Pie."

It's one of the best stories in the BSC history, actually. Not best because it was fun but because it was infamous. Somehow, half our group had gotten sick at Pizza Express. We couldn't figure out how. Kristy was convinced that someone, probably "the spaz girl with more kids than her parents could feed" (her nickname for me) had gotten germs on everyone's pizza during a pizza toast. But that didn't make sense, since only half our group was sick!

We spent forever puzzling it out. Kristy even declared a moratorium on pizza toasts! In the end, we realized it was just plain old food poisoning. The ones who got sick had all shared an extra large supreme pie... but Kristy wanted anchovies so she got her own personal pie and Stacy couldn't eat the high fructose corn syrup laden sauce so she had a white pizza and Claudia refused to share food because she had an undiagnosed eating disorder! I was spared because of years of Pike germs and Pike cooking (scrounging) which has made me immune to illness. So Abby, Jessi, Dawn, and Mary Anne spent picture day worshipping the porcelain goddess.

"And that, Dr. Jill, is how come we aren't all in the yearbook. See here though?" I quickly flip through the pages to a picture where Kristy is pretending to ignore me while Claud pretends to smoke a candy cigarette in the background. "Here's a picture of us in the teaching parking lot before school. We were putting BSC flyers on cars!"

Dr. Jill looks like she has a headache. Finally, she looks at me, "Mallory, we'll continue this conversation tomorrow. Please go straight to bed." Dr. Jill calls an assistant teacher to walk me back to my room-It's crazy but they never let you walk around the halls alone at this school!

I hope Mary Anne is waiting in the room for me.


End file.
